Love Letters
by 0Warrior0Maiden0
Summary: The Letters Padmé wrote to Anakin during the Clone Wars. Sorry you only get a monologue, but I doubt Anakin had much time to write back.
1. Letter 1

Anakin,

I'm not sure what to write, or even if this'll reach you, but you told me to write, so I shall.

I'm back on Coruscant now, I have much to do in the Senate and it was impossible for me to stay on Naboo, despite Captain Typho's insistence to the contrary.

It seems that many in the Senate blame me for the war, and I believe many more will before this war is over. It was Representative Binks who called for the Chancellor to be given emergency powers, so he could authorize an army. It doesn't matter that I was unaware of this and unable to do anything to prevent it. As Jar Jar is only my representative and I am the Senator, I will get the blame. Naboo will lose much of its influence in the Senate and my people will hold me responsible.

I feel I need to apologize, but no one would listen and it's not even my fault, but I still feel the need to apologize, the need to be forgiven, by someone, anyone.  
So I'll apologize to you.  
I'm sorry.  
I'm sorry that I was unable to prevent this war.  
I'm sorry that you must fight in it.  
I'm sorry that it's already cost you so much, and it's barely even begun  
I'm sorry, please, forgive me.

I worry about you every day. I wonder where you are, if you're comfortable there, if the food's anywhere near edible. I wonder darker things too, things I try my best not to think about but I can't stop myself.  
I want you to be home, safe and sound.  
I want to see you again.  
I want that this war had never begun.  
I want peace.  
I know I'm not the only one and sometimes I try to fool myself that if we all want it enough then it'll happen. But there's always a small voice in the back of my mind telling me that I know it won't work. That it's only a child's game, a child's belief, a child's wish. But it's not; it's my wish, and I'll keep wishing. It'll work, sooner or later, and you won't have to fight anymore.

Until then, please, stay safe and well. Send my regards to Obi-Wan. I miss you.

Your, Padmé.


	2. Letter 2

Dear Anakin,

I'm sorry it's been so long since my last letter. I've barely had time to think and every time I tried to write I didn't know what to say. I've written the words "To Anakin," More times than you'd believe. It's midnight now, or near enough, I can't sleep, so I'm writing this instead.

I've been worried about you, but thankfully I've been too busy to be allowed to linger on such thoughts.

I saw you on the Holonet the other day, they were saying that you and Obi-Wan had successfully led the Clones to victory in a battle somewhere, I didn't hear where though. I'm proud of you, Commander Skywalker. Even if I don't approve of this war and Want it all to be over so you won't be in danger anymore. A victory, however great or small, is a great achievement, and it's one step closer to ending this war.

Give Obi-Wan my congratulations and stay safe, both of you.

Yours sleepily, Padmé


	3. Letter 3

My dearest Jedi Knight,

You only left one standard week ago and already I miss you so, the time you were given on Coruscant was not nearly long enough. I'm missing Artoo too, I got used to having him around, I think Threepio misses him too. Artoo has saved my life more than once and I know he'll serve you well, and hopefully he'll keep you out of trouble. Though knowing you, that's probably too much to hope for.

Things are going well enough here, the Senate is being its usual uncooperative self. The talks I mentioned in my first letter aren't happening; people can find so much to object to and argue about, it's so frustrating sometimes!

This is exactly why Dooku was able to convince so many systems to join his cause; there is some truth in his arguments. I will make it clear however that his solution is no better, it maybe even worse, but when people are running away, they're usually blind to their destination.

I intend to start taking an active role in supplying aid to planets affected by the war. I will not give up on my work in the senate, but that is progressing so slowly that I feel I will have plenty of time to accomplish both.  
Typho's not happy about it of course; he's rarely happy with any of my decisions. This will mean more travel and I suppose that as my head of security it's his job not to be happy about it. He wants me to go and sit at home, out of danger and be a good little girl. It would make his life much easier, but he ought to know me well enough by now to realize that there's not much chance of that. It's not that I want to make his life hard, but, as you know, I'm not very good at being a good little girl; particularly when it stops me from doing my job or helping people.

Many of the other Senators are providing aid to affected planets; I will talk to Senator Organa to see how I can help them.

Yours proudly, Padmé


	4. Letter 4

Anakin,

You were mentioned on the Holonet again today, I listened, but this time they didn't say where you were. I'm glad to hear though that you won. It was a relief to hear that you're okay.  
I'm hearing some pretty crazy stories about you; I'm having difficulty believing them on the basis that most of them are impossible. I hope that none of these stories are true, or I'm going to have to have a word with Obi-Wan about stopping you from doing stupidly dangerous things, and Artoo as well, just for good measure.

I've spoken to Bail about the charity work I was hoping to do. There's not much happening at the moment, but they think that they may well need some help out on the outer rim soon, quite near the Chommel Sector, so they may well ask me to help with that. I'm quite looking forward to it, it's wrong, of course, that the help is needed, but I started in the refugee relief movement, so I'm sort of looking forwards to it, like going home almost.  
I'm particularly looking forwards to working solely with the senators who are working in this project, particularly Senator Organa, he's one of few in the Senate who actually has the good of his people at heart; I have great respect for him and am glad to have him as a friend. Truly loyal people are increasingly hard to come by, particularly in politics.

It's times like these that I almost wish I'd never entered politics; the galaxy is full of good people, but barely any of them are politicians. It's oppressive and frustrating to have to spend time with the corrupt and self-centered people I work with, and depressing to think that I'm one of them. It doesn't matter how hard you try to look past prejudices, everyone has them and they influence everyone.  
Not even the Jedi are immune to prejudices, Obi-wan is my friend, but I still get the feeling part of him sees me as a politician and doesn't trust me. I don't blame him though, if I were in his place I'd probably be just the same, you are too, but you don't see me as a politician.

To all my friends I'm either a politician or an employer; sometimes it seems you're the only one who doesn't see me like that. I don't know quite what you see me as; Angels are imaginary and don't count, before you say anything, although as this is a letter you would find that difficult.  
I think the difference may be that you see me as Padmé; to everyone else I'm Amidala.

The more I think about it the less clear it all becomes. Who is Amidala? Who is Padmé? I know I was Padmé once, but am I still? I've gone by the name of Amidala for so long, is that who I am now? It is to everyone else, but to you I'm Padmé. Why is that different? It feels different; I like being with you, being Padmé, it makes me feel free, happy.  
I think I am Padmé.  
But then who is Amidala? It's all so confusing!

Reading over this letter I realize I'm probably not making much sense and ought to stop now.

You're probably getting bored of me saying this, but I won't stop. Stay safe, please don't take too many risks, I realize there's not much chance of that but I'll ask anyway.

Yours confusedly, Padmé (or is that Amidala?)

PS Proof reading this letter and thinking back to the last letter I wrote I just realized I never said congratulation on being promoted to Jedi Knight! I feel really guilty now, I should have mentioned it before, I should have told you in person before you left. Sorry.  
Congratulations, belated but heartfelt.


	5. Letter 5

Dear Anakin,

Once again I find I must apologise for not writing in so long. In my defence I have been very busy, but that is no excuse. I'm back on Coruscant now, I went out to Borosk in the end, nowhere near the Chommel Sector; we delivered aid packs with things like tents and food to people who'd lost everything because of this war. As with every such mission I've been on, it was very sobering. I've been busy since my return as well; catching up on everything I missed, not much, and clear the backlog of meetings. I never realised it was possible to be bored and yet be so busy!

There have been rumours on the Holonet about you. They're calling you 'The Hero with no Fear'. Have you ever considered that sometimes fear might be a good thing? Fear might stop us from doing something very stupid, or suicidal?  
I hope that the Holonet is just exaggerating and you do have some fear; I don't want the next time I see you to be when I visit you in a medicenter.

You've been gone nearly a month now; will you be coming back to Coruscant soon?  
It can't be good for you to spend so long away from your home. Surely you'll be allowed to return soon. I miss you. Last time I saw you you told me not worry, but I can't help it. Every time I think of you I wonder if I'll ever see you again.  
It's getting to be a very bad habit as it's distracting me from conversations and things like that, things I really ought to concentrate on. It's infuriating how you seem to demand to have my full attention, even when you're not here. You're beginning to get on my nerves; which is silly, because it's not even your fault.

Maybe now I've written this I'll be able to stop thinking about you for a while and get some work done. So; be safe, come home safe and come soon.

Yours annoyed, even if it isn't your fault, Padmé


	6. Letter 6

Dear Anakin,

I know it hasn't been long since my last letter, but it had been so long between that and the one before that I feel I need to make up for it. Things have quietened down somewhat in the Senate and I actually have the time to write, I don't have anything to write about, but I do have the time to write.

Things have been very quiet actually since last time I wrote, we've received word of one or two victories and a defeat, but nothing major. You haven't been mentioned in any of the reports or on the Holonet; I'm assuming that no news is good news and there's nothing for me to worry about, any more than normal that is.

I had a letter from Sabé the other day, she's well, and the weather on Naboo is very warm; the best summer for 6 years she says. I'm stuck on Coruscant talking to greedy politicians and being very bored. Did she mention the weather on purpose I wonder? I plan to take leave soon though; Ryoo's Lifeday is just under a month away, so I'll be going home for that. Almost certainly it will rain the entire time I'm there; why must the weather always be so contrary?

Senator Organa informs me that he may well need someone to go out to the mid rim soon, he said he'll try to send someone else since it might clash with Ryoo's Lifeday, but he may have to ask me to go. In which case I'll go home and see Ryoo at some other time and she can have good weather for her Lifeday.

I've been trying to think what to get her for her Lifeday, but it's been so long since I saw her last and little girls grow up so quickly I have no idea what she'd like. I asked Sola, but she wasn't exactly helpful and we just had a chat before hanging up and I realised that I still had no idea what to get Ryoo.

The heating in my apartment has broken, it broke several days ago and no one noticed. So now I long for a nice warm Naboo summer even more as I freeze in a thick woolly jumper. Dormé has called for a droid to be sent to repair the heating, but even when it's been fixed it will take several days to warm up.  
Central heating still uses the same technology as it did 5000 years ago. The standards have changed, but the principle and the structure are still exactly the same. It's strange how some technologies move on and others just stop. Hyperdrives are another example; they haven't changed much in the last few thousand years.

Lightsabers haven't changed at all; a 4000 year old lightsaber could be repaired with parts from today's world quite easily. Some people say that the Order is the same; it hasn't changed a bit in the last 4000 years. I wouldn't know for sure, but it certainly seems that way. Not that I have anything to compare to of course, but things that feel timeless very often are.

Considering I had nothing to write about I've managed to write quite a lot, I think I should probably stop now, it's quite late and I don't want to be tired; big day of nothing tomorrow, just like today really, and yesterday, and... you get the idea.

So be safe, come back soon. I miss you.

Your, Padmé


	7. Letter 7

Dear Anakin,

I tried to write a letter yesterday, and couldn't think of a single thing to say, so this is Take 2 and will hopefully be more successful.

I said in my last letter that I might have to go out to the mid rim soon and indeed I do; but it won't clash with Ryoo's Lifeday, so I'll still be able to go home then, not that I have found anything to give her yet, but it'll be nice to go at least, and I still have 3 weeks and 2 days.

They mentioned you on the Holonet last night, they said you were going out to somewhere called Christophsis, at least I think that's what they called it. You haven't been on Coruscant for nearly a month; I can't believe that they're now sending you somewhere else as well. I miss you. I want to see you, to be reassured that you are okay and that my worrying was as pointless as I kept telling myself it was.

You and Obi-Wan are nearly always referred to now by the nicknames the media have given you, The Hero with No Fear and The Negotiator. Nothing personal Anakin but I think I prefer Obi-Wan's name; it doesn't sound nearly as dangerous.

Stay safe and don't try anything too stupid.

I miss you.

Your, Padmé


	8. Letter 8

Dear Anakin,

I was glad to hear the report that the battle at Christophsis was a success, but I'm not sure how reliable the report is; it mentioned a Padawan, Tano I think, but they said she was your Padawan, I think they must have meant to say Obi-Wan's Padawan. I can't imagine you taking a Padawan, certainly not volunteering for it anyway.

Things have suddenly become quite hectic again in the senate, there's nothing happening, but it is chaos nonetheless. I've been out to the Mid-Rim and returned, I wasn't gone for long, but things just went mad while I was away and I've been trying to sort it all out since I got back.

I did eventually find something to give Ryoo, I'm pretty sure it won't be her favourite, but at least it's something. Something being an accurate word to describe it, I'm not quite sure what it's meant to be, it's a cuddly toy, some sort of animal I presume, it's soft and furry and very cuddly though, so that's what matters.

It's getting late and I have an early start tomorrow (I'm going back to Naboo in the morning) I really need to bring this letter to an end before it turns into a long and meaningless ramble about absolutely nothing.

Goodnight, be safe, come back soon.

Padmé


	9. Letter 9

Dear Anakin,

Why is it that letters are always so hard to write? I even have plenty to say this time! I'm writing this from Naboo, Sabé was right; the weather is gorgeous, nearly as hot as Tatooine(hope I'm not making you jealous) Ryoo's Lifeday was a couple of days ago, she wasn't overly pleased with the soft toy I got her, but she did make a lot of fuss over it when Pooja took a shine to it. I remember being the same when I was little, liking a toy just to be awkward about it.

I'm really not looking forward to heading back to Coruscant in a few days, back to the stack of datapads I know will be awaiting me, I hope however, that maybe you might be on Coruscant when I get there, not that I have any reason to believe that you would be, but I miss you and would very much like a chance to see you again (pictures on the Holonet don't count.)

Nor do stolen words in a comm. Conversation, I'm glad I was able to help though, I was on my way to inform Palpatine that I was leaving when he told me about the treaty with the Hutts, helping you out made me rather late leaving and Typho wasn't happy, but Typho is rarely happy. I noticed a young Togruta who was with you on Tatooine; I guess she must be the Padawan the media was on about. I'm beginning to think they were right and she is your Padawan. I still can't imagine you taking a Padawan though; you'll have to explain it next time I see you.

Well, Mum is calling to say that dinner is ready, I'd best not keep her waiting, I'm sure you remember my Mum and meals, it's worse when there's a guest, but it's always like that.

Talk to you soon hopefully. I miss you.

Yours, Padmé.


	10. Letter 10

Dear Anakin,

Have you ever had days when everything goes wrong? To be honest, today wasn't that bad, but there was nothing good. I just got back to Coruscant last night. The predicted pile of Datapads was waiting for me on my desk, not as bad as it could be, then I saw the pile on the floor next to my desk. I've been working my way through them all day, but I'm only about halfway through, and more keep coming, it's easy to see why there are so many of them. This is the disadvantage to taking a break; the work doesn't just wait for you to come back and start again; it keeps coming, but I haven't been doing any of it.

At least the heating in my apartment was fixed while I was away so it's not cold in there anymore. I'm not going to be spending much time there for a while through; I have so many meetings to attend. I have five of them tomorrow, if I have any spare time after that I have to continue looking through the reports on my desk, then another six meetings the next day. Even just thinking about it makes me wish I'd stayed on Naboo.

But I mustn't complain. One of the reports I read today seemed to imply that they may be working towards opening talks with the separatists, trying to bring them back into the Republic again, one last effort. If I know the Senate though there'll be another report there somewhere saying the opposite. It's quite an old report, but if the idea has caught on then there still won't be any sign of it for a couple of weeks. The Senate seems to mull things over in the individual minds before putting them forward to the collective mind, that maybe why it can be so infuriatingly slow to react to anything that's sprung upon it; breaking the trend rarely produces good results.

Well, it's late, I'll have the Senate to occupy my thoughts tomorrow as well so I'll try to stop thinking about it now and try to find something else to think about that isn't worrying about you. I haven't heard much about the War, thankfully it hasn't touched Naboo yet, and most of the reports are Senate gossip and things closer to home. I have no idea where you might be right now, and it's not helping me to worry any less.

Goodnight, Stay safe, and come back soon. I miss you.

Yours tiredly, Padmé


	11. Letter 11

Dear Anakin,

I'm sat in a Senate meeting writing this, which tells you just how boring it must be. I'm still half paying attention, if I need to give the meeting my full attention I can, but it's unlikely. I think there's a problem with the air-con, it's blowing cold air straight into my Pod and has been doing so for the last half an hour; I'm getting very cold sat here in a short-sleeved dress. It's possible that it's programmed to do that and is therefore not broken, but either way it's still a problem as far as I'm concerned.

There are rumours among the Senators of the Chancellor being given more emergency powers soon. It's beginning to become a matter of concern; the Republic cannot be a democracy if its leader has enough power that he can bypass the Senate. He can do anything he likes while maintaining an illusion of democracy by allowing motions to pass through the Senate when the outcome is likely to be one that either suits his plans or he doesn't care about, or he can just act alone if he feels he's likely to meet opposition.

This meeting isn't about that though; they're just going on and on about not very much. It's silly to spend so much time debating such small issues that don't even affect anyone, but at least important matters are usually settled quicker now, although I do sometimes feel that those matters are not always given the consideration they ought to be.

They might finally be reaching a decision, I should star pay attention properly, I'll write again soon, promise.

Stay Safe.

Your, Padmé


	12. Letter 12

Dear Anakin,

I did not believe politics could get any more boring than the last time I wrote, which I believe was also in the middle of a meeting. I give in, you're right. Palo was the smart one. Except that I'm rubbish at art, so public service was still a better route for me. I'm pleased to report that the air con has been fixed and is no longer freezing me, however it's still not fixed; it's stuck on hot now, great.

Well, having gotten that out of my system I can't think of much more to say. Except that Threepio's complaining about something being wrong with his right knee, I can't see anything wrong with it. He keeps moaning about how he wishes you'd come back so you could fix it. I wish that too, then maybe he'd stop complaining! I don't just wish you'd come back just so Threepio would be quiet though; I miss you and I worry about you, still, yeah I know. You can take care of yourself, I shouldn't worry, it's pointless and won't achieve anything, blah blah blah… I can't help it! I worry because I care! Would you rather I didn't care, if it would stop me worrying?

Yet another reason I wish you were here; the only type of question that works when you never reply is the rhetorical ones. Did I spell that right? Why do they give us these spelling checkers and grammar checkers when the dictionary is so small the spell check is useless and the grammar is consistently wrong? I have good grammar! Basic lessons for 5 years consisted of nothing but grammar! And learning other languages helped my understanding of it later, when I was old enough to start applying the rules I'd learnt before. After the exams, typical!

Reading that back I realise I'm just babbling. I should stop now, before you end up as bored as I am. They're actually discussing the need to refurbish one of the local restaurants! They've been arguing about it for half an hour! Is there really nothing more important to discuss?

Well at least if I go to sleep no one is likely to notice.

Stay Safe.

Your very very very very very bored freind, Padmé


	13. Letter 13

Dear Anakin,

You told me to let you know when I reached Coruscant; well, I've arrived. I got here late last night. Sorry I didn't write sooner but I was tired, then I had a lot of meetings today. The Chancellor was very apologetic and assured me many times that it was never his intention to send me into the middle of a battle. Not that anyone doubted him, but I let him squirm for a while before telling him that. He was at least pleased that I was able to give him a report of the Destruction of the Malevolence.

Maybe I'm still tired, but for split seconds there were sometimes looks in his eyes that didn't match his words. Anger at the destruction of the Malevolence, indifference that I had been sent into a war zone, they were only there for a second before his eyes matched his words, but it made me feel very uneasy. Of course I may just be imagining things, or maybe he was thinking of something else. Either way, it's probably nothing to worry about.

Well given that I only saw you two days ago there's really not much else to say, except thank you again; for rescuing me and for "fixing" Threepio's knee, I told him there was nothing wrong with it!

Having met Ahsoka I feel much better and won't worry about you so much, she'll take care of you, unfortunately I don't think she'll stop you doing anything stupid, she'll probably just join in. When you're telling her to go back and not be so stupid, please remember that I would be telling you the same thing.

I don't really have anything more to say, sorry this was such a short letter, and sorry that it took me so long to write, I hope you weren't worried. I'll write again soon.

Be safe, tell Ahsoka she has permission to boss you around on my behalf in the interest of keeping you safe.

Yours, Padmé


	14. Letter 14

Dear Anakin,

I know I said I'd write again soon, and I'm sorry, you have every right to be annoyed that it's taken 2 weeks for me to write. I don't even have a good excuse this time; I do have lots to write about though! See? A silver lining! The cloud is that I can't remember any of it now.

I spoke to Bail a couple of days ago, he says there's nothing they need my help for, and there's nothing in the Senate at the moment that needs my presence or attention, so I've found myself with a lot of free time, but no guarantee of it, so I can't go home.

I really want to go home at the moment too! I got a letter from Mum last week telling me all about how pretty Theed looks in the snow, how much Ryoo and Pooja are enjoying playing in it, how there's now an army of snowmen taking up residence in the garden and how everyone (except the snowmen, much to Pooja's dismay) is going to Varykino soon to go sledging. We don't get good snow on Naboo every year, something to do with our orbit meaning we get really good deep long lasting snow for about 3 years then about 15 years when we have barely any snow. We haven't had any snow worth mentioning since I was a child.

I just want to go home and make snowmen, snow angels and, of course, snowballs, then have a good snowball fight. Evenings sat huddled around a roaring fire, thawing fingers and toes and dropping off to sleep after a long day playing in the snow. Steaming mugs of hot chocolate, heated spice cakes, roasted tekka nuts and losing card games. I always lost, I don't know why; I wasn't even that bad a player, neither were my family very good.

Home sounds so good right now; which is probably why Mum sent me that letter. I ought to try to get home for Festival Week; I've already missed my Birthday. Mum won't say anything but she's annoyed that I didn't go home, not that it's my fault, I can think of far better ways to spend my birthday than in an office, but she feels that I could have avoided it if I'd retired when my two terms as Queen were over. I'm beginning to agree with her actually.

Well, assuming this isn't the calm before the storm, or if it is then it will at least last a while longer then I'll write again soon. This time I really will!

Be safe.

Yours homesickly, Padmé


	15. Letter 15

Dear Anakin,

One day later and I'm writing again, don't get used to it, I'm only writing now because something came up this afternoon which will I think end the calm and begin the storm pretty effectively.

I really wish I'd gone to Naboo when I had the chance. There are emergency meetings in the morning and I've been busy all evening trying to gather what little reliable information is available and sifting through rumours to find the grains of truth they are often if not always based upon.

It's best not to arrive completely ignorant, especially if it's something I need to speak about.

I won't be able to write as often from now on, I don't know how long this will last. I'll write again when I can.

Until then, be safe.

Your, Padmé


	16. Letter 16

Dear Anakin,

Sorry it's been so long since I wrote, I've been busy with the big important news in the senate that I mentioned in my last letter. It turned out to be nothing more than rumours, but it caused a good deal of panic, the people feel threatened now, it doesn't matter that the threat was never real, but it's expected that yet more power will find its way into the chancellor's hands as a result of this fiasco.

I never did manage to make it home to Naboo, and now I'm too busy to go, I don't think I'll see the snow this year, it's still there, but not in the same pristine condition that makes the world look so beautifully peaceful. I will make a point of being home at some point next year, even if it's only for a day or two, I've missed being a child. If I don't go willingly mum may very well come and drag me home, so I think it's best if I go by myself; hilarious though I'm sure you'd find it, it would just be plain embarrassing for me.

From the many reports I've had from family members, who are either very unfeeling or trying to get me to come home, Ryoo and Pooja loved every minute of the snow, their gloves have shrunk from all the snow and they'll need new ones for next year, but children grow so quickly they'd need new ones anyway. Varykino now has an army of snowmen to rival that now melting in the garden in Theed, and Ryoo and Pooja are amazed that Grandma can be just as ferocious as Mum when she wants to be; Sola threw a snow ball and missed, it hit a window, unfortunately the missile contained a stone and was rather more robust than your average snowball, and more robust than the window, which shattered. Sola couldn't help laughing when Mum was shouting at her because of Ryoo and Pooja giggling and whispering "Mummy's in trouble". Luckily Mum saw the funny side too and let Sola off lightly, she has to pay to have the window fixed, but she won't be grounded or anything, think how humiliating that would have been for her!

Well, I don't really have any more news for you, I hope to see you soon, it's definitely been too long.

Yours Padmé


End file.
